“When ‘dating’ came at me, I dropped ‘school’.” “I got hit in the head with ‘drugs’ because I wasn’t looking.” “It was so overwhelming to have all the balls going at once – I didn’t know what to do.”
It’s a wintry afternoon in February. Roughly twenty teen girls and adult women are gathered in the cavernous space of ClimbMax Indoor Climbing Center in downtown Asheville. They are participants in the spring session of Climbing Toward Confidence, a new program of Our VOICE (Buncombe County’s rape crisis center).
When asked to identify the biggest challenges in their lives, the teen girls respond: Dating. Drugs. Pregnancy. Sex. Fitting in. School. Family. Body image. The future. Each of these responses is written onto a small throw-able object, and the group is asked to literally juggle all the challenges in their lives.
For practice, the group passes just one ball back and forth across the circle –School. “Hey, Kim, here’s ‘school’.” “Thanks, Lyric. Hey, Jacque, here’s ‘school’.” They make eye contact and no one drops the ball.
In the next round, the various challenges are introduced one by one. A rubber frog comes winging its way across the circle – “Sex”. “Family” is an oversized, hard-to-catch ball. Soon, all politeness and eye contact have disappeared. Objects are tossed to and fro chaotically – whizzing past the girl they were intended for, or hitting someone else by mistake. The group erupts in shouts and laughter.
“So, what do you think that activity was about?” Everyone is quiet and still now – the objects lay scattered around on the floor.
“I think it shows you what happens in life,” one girl answers. “When you’re a kid, you just have one or two things to worry about. As you get older, there’s a lot more coming at you.”
Another young woman speaks up. “When all the balls started flying, we stopped being nice to each other. I stopped caring about whether the next person was ready to catch ‘Sex’ or ‘Dating’ – I just wanted to get rid of it. I hope I’d stick by my friends, but it seems really hard.”
“I think it says you have a lot of choices in your life,” answers a third. “Either you’re the kind of person who follows others and gets distracted by all those things, or you’re a strong person who stays focused on what she wants.”
It is well-known among women that the early-teen years are some of the hardest for girls. Think back to when you were twelve or thirteen years old. Remember the insecurity, the confusion, the competition. The yearning to be something you were not; the intense desire to be accepted. Add in problems with family; the pressure of grades and the looming future; and the huge question mark of sexuality, relationships and dating. Adolescence has always been a complicated time, for all types of girls. The age-old challenges are accelerated for youth today by mass media that portray violence as sexy and sex as violent, that print sexualized images of increasingly younger girls, and that promote sex appeal over health, happiness or intellect.
It’s a wintry afternoon in February. Roughly twenty teen girls and adult women are gathered in the cavernous space of ClimbMax Indoor Climbing Center in downtown Asheville. They are participants in the spring session of Climbing Toward Confidence, a new program of Our VOICE (Buncombe County’s rape crisis center).
When asked to identify the biggest challenges in their lives, the teen girls respond: Dating. Drugs. Pregnancy. Sex. Fitting in. School. Family. Body image. The future. Each of these responses is written onto a small throw-able object, and the group is asked to literally juggle all the challenges in their lives.
For practice, the group passes just one ball back and forth across the circle –School. “Hey, Kim, here’s ‘school’.” “Thanks, Lyric. Hey, Jacque, here’s ‘school’.” They make eye contact and no one drops the ball.
In the next round, the various challenges are introduced one by one. A rubber frog comes winging its way across the circle – “Sex”. “Family” is an oversized, hard-to-catch ball. Soon, all politeness and eye contact have disappeared. Objects are tossed to and fro chaotically – whizzing past the girl they were intended for, or hitting someone else by mistake. The group erupts in shouts and laughter.
“So, what do you think that activity was about?” Everyone is quiet and still now – the objects lay scattered around on the floor.
“I think it shows you what happens in life,” one girl answers. “When you’re a kid, you just have one or two things to worry about. As you get older, there’s a lot more coming at you.”
Another young woman speaks up. “When all the balls started flying, we stopped being nice to each other. I stopped caring about whether the next person was ready to catch ‘Sex’ or ‘Dating’ – I just wanted to get rid of it. I hope I’d stick by my friends, but it seems really hard.”
“I think it says you have a lot of choices in your life,” answers a third. “Either you’re the kind of person who follows others and gets distracted by all those things, or you’re a strong person who stays focused on what she wants.”
It is well-known among women that the early-teen years are some of the hardest for girls. Think back to when you were twelve or thirteen years old. Remember the insecurity, the confusion, the competition. The yearning to be something you were not; the intense desire to be accepted. Add in problems with family; the pressure of grades and the looming future; and the huge question mark of sexuality, relationships and dating. Adolescence has always been a complicated time, for all types of girls. The age-old challenges are accelerated for youth today by mass media that portray violence as sexy and sex as violent, that print sexualized images of increasingly younger girls, and that promote sex appeal over health, happiness or intellect.
Research in girls’ development pinpoints twelve as a key pivotal age for girls – the “edge of adolescence” (Gilligan) – by which time girls have begun to step into the adult world. They’ve begun to read magazines, to pay attention to fashion, pop culture and the media, and to compare themselves to the images of women they see around them. Most will never live up to the expectations our society has for women – expectations shaped by digital manipulations more often than by images of real women. Striving to fit in, scared that they’ll be the next target of another girl’s malice, many young women learn to mute their voices, deny their intelligence, and compromise their individuality. We see this manifested in a girl who keeps her eyes downcast, who answers questions with, “I don’t know” – and who doesn’t have the courage to disagree with others or say what she thinks. It leads to girls who think it’s impolite to refuse, who stay quiet because they don’t want to cause a problem, and who think their greatest value lies in their sex appeal to males. Low self-confidence runs hand-in-hand with eating disorders, self-harming behaviors and depression.
And often left unspoken, unaddressed, is one of the greatest threats of adolescence and early adulthood for females – sexual assault. It is estimated that one of every four females will experience rape or attempted rape by the time she is 18. Here in Asheville, of 72 rapes reported during 2008, 30% of those victims were females age 13-19. An additional 13% were females age 20-24. Nationwide, females age 16-19 are at a risk four times greater than the rest of the population to be raped . Incidents of acquaintance rape outnumber stranger rapes 2:1, and drug-facilitated rape is on the rise.
Since 1974, Our VOICE has been working to raise this issue into the public consciousness. In the pursuit of a community that is free of sexual violence, Our VOICE serves all individuals in Buncombe County affected by sexual assault and abuse, through counseling, advocacy and education. We provide direct services to victims of sexual violence and to their family and friends, including medical advocacy, crisis counseling, legal case management and long-term counseling. Our education and prevention programs work to educate the community on the realities of sexual violence – to raise awareness and confront dangerous attitudes in schools and workplaces; among civic groups and service-providers. Climbing Toward Confidence is one among several programs that address the deep roots of the problem, by working with males and females to challenge social norms and create safer communities.
Climbing Toward Confidence provides an environment for young women that values effort, intelligence, courage and compassion over perfect hair, thin-ness, or any other physical attribute. The girls are encouraged to speak for themselves and to question the world around them. Through this experience, they gain confidence in their own opinions and instincts.
While participating in Climbing Toward Confidence, the girls discuss a range of topics – body image, gender stereotypes, pop culture; power in relationships, red flags, and rape myths. They participate in role plays and practice assertive communication. They take a self-defense course.
And they are paired with a volunteer mentor, who they get to know over the course of the program through paired activities, discussions and goal-setting. The mentors are adult women of all backgrounds from the community. Their role in the program is to support the young women, while also modeling examples of healthy, supportive relationships between women.
Many of the mentors have never climbed before, and side-by-side, the teens and adults face their fears on the rock. Rock climbing benefits both the physical body and the mind; it contributes to fitness, fosters body awareness, and hones problem-solving skills. Through climbing, participants develop their sense of judgment and practice setting boundaries and making decisions.
While participating in Climbing Toward Confidence, the girls discuss a range of topics – body image, gender stereotypes, pop culture; power in relationships, red flags, and rape myths. They participate in role plays and practice assertive communication. They take a self-defense course.
And they are paired with a volunteer mentor, who they get to know over the course of the program through paired activities, discussions and goal-setting. The mentors are adult women of all backgrounds from the community. Their role in the program is to support the young women, while also modeling examples of healthy, supportive relationships between women.
Many of the mentors have never climbed before, and side-by-side, the teens and adults face their fears on the rock. Rock climbing benefits both the physical body and the mind; it contributes to fitness, fosters body awareness, and hones problem-solving skills. Through climbing, participants develop their sense of judgment and practice setting boundaries and making decisions.
Through its various components, Climbing Toward Confidence aims to equip girls with both the practical skills to recognize and say no to risky or unwanted situations, and the confidence and conviction that they are worth protecting.
Meet Lyric
Lyric enrolled in the first ever session of Climbing Toward Confidence, this past October. As the eldest daughter in a large family, Lyric takes it upon herself to look out for her younger siblings and cousins around the neighborhood. Her parents work alternating schedules – days and nights – but on the weekends, the family finds time together. She’s currently getting good grades – almost all A’s – and she tries to stay out of trouble. Lyric has ambitions to be the first in her family to realize the dream of going to college.
Meet Lyric
Lyric enrolled in the first ever session of Climbing Toward Confidence, this past October. As the eldest daughter in a large family, Lyric takes it upon herself to look out for her younger siblings and cousins around the neighborhood. Her parents work alternating schedules – days and nights – but on the weekends, the family finds time together. She’s currently getting good grades – almost all A’s – and she tries to stay out of trouble. Lyric has ambitions to be the first in her family to realize the dream of going to college.
Prior to the program, I visited Lyric’s family’s apartment in order to complete her paperwork and start getting to know her. We sat on the couch together, amidst the din of the television, several young children eating their supper and racing around, and adults – her parents and others – talking together. That day, Lyric appeared shy and tentative. She said she was excited to learn to rock climb, but when asked about school, hobbies and her friends she answered, “I don’t know.” Her voice was soft and her manner reserved.
Now, just six months later, Lyric has become one of the spokeswomen for Climbing Toward Confidence, sharing her opinions and reflections in public settings such as a recent fundraiser held by WNC Magazine. She still gets butterflies in her stomach, but there’s no doubt that she will speak – and that she has something to say. The following conversation has been excerpted from an interview with Lyric during January 2009.
What was your favorite part of Climbing Toward Confidence?
My favorite part of the program was the Girls Group – when we got together with the mentors and answered those questions, like if we were in a relationship and the dude was treating us badly what would we do. I liked talking about those situations in a group, and I learned how to stand up for myself.
What else did you learn from your experience in Climbing Toward Confidence?
I learned that I can get up in front of a big crowd and say a speech, without just freezing. I never thought I could do that. And I learned that I can rock climb. I learned that you don’t have to let a dude step on you just because you love him. Also, that I don’t have to listen to trash talk. I need to listen to what I think of myself, not what other people think. That’s what I mainly focused on. Climbing Toward Confidence made me a stronger person – now I can say how I feel in front of others. I know for sure I can do that now.
What did you think of rock climbing?
When I first came to the climbing gym, I was like, “Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m doing this.” I was too scared, but I did it. This is going to help me a lot in my life – Like when I have a difficult stage in my life, I can learn how to climb through it. Just get on out of it.
I learned a lot about climbing, like some different moves. What was that move called? You had to put both of your feet to one side, and have them point in one direction. Back-step; I learned how to back-step. And inside-edging, and smearing. Now I can go rock climbing outside, and I’m stronger than I thought.
At first, I really thought I wasn’t strong enough to belay someone else – But once I got to belaying, I realized I’m pretty good at it. I know I’m not going to drop nobody. I don’t know if they know that, but I know that…. My mentor said she trusted me. It felt good to have somebody trust me.
Tell me more about your mentor.
It was fun to have a mentor. We still hang out. I learned a lot about her; she learned a lot about me. I feel like I can talk to her about things and know that I’m not going to get in trouble for it. I’m not going to do nothing bad, but I know that I have somebody I can trust – someone that won’t go back and talk bad behind my back about me. That won’t turn against me or my family, or do something bad. I know that.
What is something you will never forget from CTC?
I won’t forget any of it. But one of my favorite times was when we went on the field trip to climb outdoors…. That day, I seen a big rock that I was scared to get on. But I got on it. That day was good; it was kind of cold outside, but we still climbed outside. We didn’t let nothing stop us… After climbing on the big rock, I was shaky. I was so scared. My legs were shaking while I was climbing. But I felt like I did something that I would be proud of – that I would be proud of, that my mama would be proud of, that my family would be proud of.
What are your plans for the future?
When I get out of middle school, I’m going to finish high school and I’m going to try to go to – Well, I am going to go to college. That’s on my to-do list for when I get older. I’m going to go to college and be a nurse.
I’m going to need help from my mama and my daddy and my teachers to get there. I’m going to do my work – just keep doing what I’m doing now. When it gets hard, I’m going to try to pull through it – keep working hard, studying, and just stay focused.
