Session 3 CTC at Climbmax Climbing Gym, Fall 2009

This Fall's session of Climbing Toward Confidence is going well - we have a total of 18 participants and we are halfway through the session. Here are some photos of the group.

Recruiting Volunteers for Fall 2009

Climbing Toward Confidence is now accepting applications for Fall 09 mentors. Click on the image to read this flier. For more information, email anna@ourvoicenc.org or call 828-252-0562.

CTC Video!

Mayor Bellamy Visits CTC, April 20, 2008

Transcript of Mayor Terry Bellamy's Talk:

I heard Anna’s stories from when you all started out in this program, a few weeks ago – what, six weeks ago? This is your seventh week, and already there are stories of how much you have grown.

I think life is full of stories, and I like to tell stories about my life because I think it’s important for people to know who I am, for the ladies who participate in this program. I’m a native of Asheville; this is where I grew up. This is my hometown. Who goes to Asheville Middle? You think you’re tough? Old girl used to walk down the halls of Asheville Middle, and I thought I was cute. I thought I was cute, I did. I enjoyed my time at Asheville Middle School. I talked too much. I did – and it continued over to Asheville High School.

At Asheville High, one of my worst teachers was Eulah Shaw. She’s not there; you don’t have to worry about her anymore. She was horrible. And I talked too much and I took debate. I took debate because I felt like this was my way to get out of doing a lot of work – that I could argue and not get fussed at. In debate, you argue – but you argue positions. And Miss Shaw – one day I was minding my business, talking in her class to my friend, and she interrupted my conversation in her class. How dare she? That was my time. And she said this to me, and I’ve never forgotten: Miss Whitmeyer – this was before I was married – She said, “Miss Whitmeyer, you are a diamond in the rough, and I am going to hew you out of that coal.” Okay, first she interrupted my conversation. Second, what do diamonds and coal have to do with each other? And who’s Hugh? ‘Cause I was most definitely thinking that “hew” was a person, because we had a Hugh in my class, and I was thinking, “What do I have to do with Hugh?” But what she was telling me –

Wait, quick question, folks: What’s the difference between diamonds and coal? (Girl answers) Diamonds are more special than coal? That’s true. Yes? (Girl answers) Coal is black, diamonds are shiny. Yes? (Girl answers) Coal is in it’s natural state; you don’t do anything to it. Diamonds get all fixed up. You’re all correct. But coal and diamonds come from the same place. They’re made of the same material. Whenever you mine, or “hew”, which means to dig out coal, the diamonds are coming out of the coal. But what has happened is, diamonds have been put under pressure and they become what they were meant to become. And the more pressure that’s put to a diamond, the more clarity it has and the more beautiful it is.

So, going back to Miss Shaw, this is what she was telling me: Miss Whitmeyer, I’m going to add more pressure to you, ‘cause I believe in you, and I’m going to bring out of you what’s in you. That sounded kind of cute in the middle of class, but I didn’t know what that meant she was going to do with me. In debate, you have two sides: the affirmative and the negative, and I always argued the affirmative. From that day on, I had to argue not only the affirmative; I had to argue the negative. She gave me double the work. So what that meant was, whenever an issue came up, when we had to go to a competition for debate, I was able to argue both sides. So I could anticipate what my opponent was going to say to me; I was ready. I had to do more research. I say all that to say, Miss Shaw made me a better person through added pressure. And I didn’t appreciate – I’ve gotta admit, I liked to talk and I didn’t appreciate that added challenge.

So, years later, I decided to go for my Masters at Western Carolina University. There’s no newspaper here now, so I’m going to own my truth: I was an English major, so I had to look at 15th, 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th, 20th centuries. That’s a lot of literature. From Shakespeare, Chaucer, all the way to Edgar Allen Poe – looking at all that and contemporary writers. All that was confusing me on a comprehensive exam. I had to take an exam on four centuries. I failed, too, the first time I took that. Guess where I went to get some help? I went to Miss Shaw, ‘cause one thing Miss Shaw knows is English. Not only was she a debate teacher, she was a fantastic English teacher. What I did was I went and talked to Miss Shaw and I said, “I need your assistance. You said I was a diamond in the rough, and you were going to help me.” I was still talking too much then. But I remembered her promise to make me into the diamond she said I was meant to be. So she created a curriculum for me to learn my two problem areas – 16th and 19th century literature. She did it so well that I went to take that exam again and I finished in record time and the people said, Are you sure you’re through? The people looked at my exam – the person who was proctoring the exam was an English professor and she was reading my exam, just trying to see if I knew what I was talking about and she looked, and I knew I’d passed when I saw her read over my answers. It was too easy, because Miss Shaw had created a course where I wouldn’t fail. So I walked away from Miss Shaw yet again.

But then I decided to run for office; in 1999, I decided to run for City Council, and I was one of the youngest people to ever do so. It was very intimidating. Guess who was one of first people to sign up to donate, to give me money – because that’s important if you’re going to run for office. (Girls answer: Miss Shaw. Bellamy nods.) Not only did she give me money, but she told other teachers to vote for me. When I run for re-election this fall, guess who’s helping my campaign? Miss Shaw. I ran in 2005. Guess who helped?

Sometimes in life, people put pressure on you, in a good way, to bring out who you’re supposed to be. You can’t understand that at the time. You can’t understand at the time why they want you to say, “Belay on, Belay off.” “You can do it – you can be a frog, or be a bear, and climb up there.” They may put pressure on you to read over a piece of paper and say what would you do in this scenario, and push you to come up with a response. And it may not feel comfortable at that time, but it’s all to make you the diamonds that you should be. In order to be who you’re supposed to be, I believe that God puts people in your life to add pressure.

My last story is this: If you ever need good entertainment, watch the city council – we meet on Tuesday evenings, Channel 11. I often have people who say, you know, “Mayor Bellamy, how do you deal with certain council members? How do you sit there and not want to smack them in the mouth or hit them in the head? How do you deal with that?” Those people are there, I believe, to make me a better mayor. Because while they use emotions and invoke anger sometimes in people, I use facts to make my decisions. And so they make me stronger. Sometimes it may look like a bad situation, but it can turn out alright. It’s all in your attitude. It’s all in how you see life.

My goal for you ladies is not just to enjoy climbing, but to understand that from the beginning you never thought you possibly could get to the top. I see a little frog leap to the top over there. I saw a bear climb very fast to the top. I saw somebody sprawled all over this. I want you to believe in yourself.

This is my only assignment for you, when you leave here. It’s a quote that our President uses in his book, and I often use it: “Dream big dreams.” I have a journal for myself, and in my journal I dream. And if any adult was to see my journal they would think I was certifiable because of what I believe I can do. Asheville can’t hold Terry Bellamy, for where I’m going.

I ask you to dare to dream; dream big dreams. I believe, again, that God puts people in your life to help you achieve your dreams. Ladies, you can do what you want to do. There will be resources that come. Anna is an example. Anna said, I want to do something that I think would make a difference in the lives of little girls, and something that I’m passionate about it rock climbing, and it’s an opportunity for young people to learn about their power. How many of you mentors who are here knew Anna before volunteering? (Two raise hands) How many did not know Anna? (Nine raise hands) See? Resources will come when you have a dream. They’ll just come. They’ll say, “You know, I think I’m going to help this program. I think today’s the day I’m going to help that program!” It just happens.

So my challenge to you is to go home, and get you a journal. It doesn’t have to be a big fancy one. Begin to dream. Begin to think about where you see yourself. What do you want to wear on graduation day? I said that when I was elected to Mayor, I’d wear a certain outfit. And people said to me, “Okay, you’re running against a sitting Mayor, a councilmember who’s been a dentist in this community for 40 years and you think you can be Mayor.” And I said, “Yep. Sure can.” And to the ones who said, “No you can’t,” I said, “Thanks, see you later.” And the resources will start coming….

I tell you this ladies: Your dream may sound crazy to some, and you may have to distance yourself from even those who are close to you who cannot see the potential in who you are. But I guarantee you, someone will step in to fill that void. Dream big dreams, and when you begin to put those dreams on paper and read them daily, you will achieve those. Les Brown is a motivational speaker and he says, “Most people will never achieve their dreams because they are too afraid to write them down, and those who write them down are too afraid to look at them because that puts them back in their face.”

Ladies, I’m asking you to dream big dreams. I’m asking you to step out there, and do something that hasn’t been done before. …Ladies, I am so proud of you for having the endurance to be here this long. I’m really excited about your future, and I hope you will email me from time-to-time – just check in, just holla’ at me to let me know how you’re doing. I believe in you.

Climbing Toward Confidence in WNC Woman Magazine

View here in the April 2004 issue of WNC Woman Magazine

“When ‘dating’ came at me, I dropped ‘school’.” “I got hit in the head with ‘drugs’ because I wasn’t looking.” “It was so overwhelming to have all the balls going at once – I didn’t know what to do.”

It’s a wintry afternoon in February. Roughly twenty teen girls and adult women are gathered in the cavernous space of ClimbMax Indoor Climbing Center in downtown Asheville. They are participants in the spring session of Climbing Toward Confidence, a new program of Our VOICE (Buncombe County’s rape crisis center).

When asked to identify the biggest challenges in their lives, the teen girls respond: Dating. Drugs. Pregnancy. Sex. Fitting in. School. Family. Body image. The future. Each of these responses is written onto a small throw-able object, and the group is asked to literally juggle all the challenges in their lives.

For practice, the group passes just one ball back and forth across the circle –School. “Hey, Kim, here’s ‘school’.” “Thanks, Lyric. Hey, Jacque, here’s ‘school’.” They make eye contact and no one drops the ball.

In the next round, the various challenges are introduced one by one. A rubber frog comes winging its way across the circle – “Sex”. “Family” is an oversized, hard-to-catch ball. Soon, all politeness and eye contact have disappeared. Objects are tossed to and fro chaotically – whizzing past the girl they were intended for, or hitting someone else by mistake. The group erupts in shouts and laughter.

“So, what do you think that activity was about?” Everyone is quiet and still now – the objects lay scattered around on the floor.

“I think it shows you what happens in life,” one girl answers. “When you’re a kid, you just have one or two things to worry about. As you get older, there’s a lot more coming at you.”

Another young woman speaks up. “When all the balls started flying, we stopped being nice to each other. I stopped caring about whether the next person was ready to catch ‘Sex’ or ‘Dating’ – I just wanted to get rid of it. I hope I’d stick by my friends, but it seems really hard.”

“I think it says you have a lot of choices in your life,” answers a third. “Either you’re the kind of person who follows others and gets distracted by all those things, or you’re a strong person who stays focused on what she wants.”

It is well-known among women that the early-teen years are some of the hardest for girls. Think back to when you were twelve or thirteen years old. Remember the insecurity, the confusion, the competition. The yearning to be something you were not; the intense desire to be accepted. Add in problems with family; the pressure of grades and the looming future; and the huge question mark of sexuality, relationships and dating. Adolescence has always been a complicated time, for all types of girls. The age-old challenges are accelerated for youth today by mass media that portray violence as sexy and sex as violent, that print sexualized images of increasingly younger girls, and that promote sex appeal over health, happiness or intellect.

Research in girls’ development pinpoints twelve as a key pivotal age for girls – the “edge of adolescence” (Gilligan) – by which time girls have begun to step into the adult world. They’ve begun to read magazines, to pay attention to fashion, pop culture and the media, and to compare themselves to the images of women they see around them. Most will never live up to the expectations our society has for women – expectations shaped by digital manipulations more often than by images of real women. Striving to fit in, scared that they’ll be the next target of another girl’s malice, many young women learn to mute their voices, deny their intelligence, and compromise their individuality. We see this manifested in a girl who keeps her eyes downcast, who answers questions with, “I don’t know” – and who doesn’t have the courage to disagree with others or say what she thinks. It leads to girls who think it’s impolite to refuse, who stay quiet because they don’t want to cause a problem, and who think their greatest value lies in their sex appeal to males. Low self-confidence runs hand-in-hand with eating disorders, self-harming behaviors and depression.

And often left unspoken, unaddressed, is one of the greatest threats of adolescence and early adulthood for females – sexual assault. It is estimated that one of every four females will experience rape or attempted rape by the time she is 18. Here in Asheville, of 72 rapes reported during 2008, 30% of those victims were females age 13-19. An additional 13% were females age 20-24. Nationwide, females age 16-19 are at a risk four times greater than the rest of the population to be raped . Incidents of acquaintance rape outnumber stranger rapes 2:1, and drug-facilitated rape is on the rise.

Since 1974, Our VOICE has been working to raise this issue into the public consciousness. In the pursuit of a community that is free of sexual violence, Our VOICE serves all individuals in Buncombe County affected by sexual assault and abuse, through counseling, advocacy and education. We provide direct services to victims of sexual violence and to their family and friends, including medical advocacy, crisis counseling, legal case management and long-term counseling. Our education and prevention programs work to educate the community on the realities of sexual violence – to raise awareness and confront dangerous attitudes in schools and workplaces; among civic groups and service-providers. Climbing Toward Confidence is one among several programs that address the deep roots of the problem, by working with males and females to challenge social norms and create safer communities.

Climbing Toward Confidence provides an environment for young women that values effort, intelligence, courage and compassion over perfect hair, thin-ness, or any other physical attribute. The girls are encouraged to speak for themselves and to question the world around them. Through this experience, they gain confidence in their own opinions and instincts.
While participating in Climbing Toward Confidence, the girls discuss a range of topics – body image, gender stereotypes, pop culture; power in relationships, red flags, and rape myths. They participate in role plays and practice assertive communication. They take a self-defense course.
And they are paired with a volunteer mentor, who they get to know over the course of the program through paired activities, discussions and goal-setting. The mentors are adult women of all backgrounds from the community. Their role in the program is to support the young women, while also modeling examples of healthy, supportive relationships between women.
Many of the mentors have never climbed before, and side-by-side, the teens and adults face their fears on the rock. Rock climbing benefits both the physical body and the mind; it contributes to fitness, fosters body awareness, and hones problem-solving skills. Through climbing, participants develop their sense of judgment and practice setting boundaries and making decisions.

Through its various components, Climbing Toward Confidence aims to equip girls with both the practical skills to recognize and say no to risky or unwanted situations, and the confidence and conviction that they are worth protecting.

Meet Lyric
Lyric enrolled in the first ever session of Climbing Toward Confidence, this past October. As the eldest daughter in a large family, Lyric takes it upon herself to look out for her younger siblings and cousins around the neighborhood. Her parents work alternating schedules – days and nights – but on the weekends, the family finds time together. She’s currently getting good grades – almost all A’s – and she tries to stay out of trouble. Lyric has ambitions to be the first in her family to realize the dream of going to college.

Prior to the program, I visited Lyric’s family’s apartment in order to complete her paperwork and start getting to know her. We sat on the couch together, amidst the din of the television, several young children eating their supper and racing around, and adults – her parents and others – talking together. That day, Lyric appeared shy and tentative. She said she was excited to learn to rock climb, but when asked about school, hobbies and her friends she answered, “I don’t know.” Her voice was soft and her manner reserved.

Now, just six months later, Lyric has become one of the spokeswomen for Climbing Toward Confidence, sharing her opinions and reflections in public settings such as a recent fundraiser held by WNC Magazine. She still gets butterflies in her stomach, but there’s no doubt that she will speak – and that she has something to say. The following conversation has been excerpted from an interview with Lyric during January 2009.

What was your favorite part of Climbing Toward Confidence?
My favorite part of the program was the Girls Group – when we got together with the mentors and answered those questions, like if we were in a relationship and the dude was treating us badly what would we do. I liked talking about those situations in a group, and I learned how to stand up for myself.

What else did you learn from your experience in Climbing Toward Confidence?
I learned that I can get up in front of a big crowd and say a speech, without just freezing. I never thought I could do that. And I learned that I can rock climb. I learned that you don’t have to let a dude step on you just because you love him. Also, that I don’t have to listen to trash talk. I need to listen to what I think of myself, not what other people think. That’s what I mainly focused on. Climbing Toward Confidence made me a stronger person – now I can say how I feel in front of others. I know for sure I can do that now.

What did you think of rock climbing?
When I first came to the climbing gym, I was like, “Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m doing this.” I was too scared, but I did it. This is going to help me a lot in my life – Like when I have a difficult stage in my life, I can learn how to climb through it. Just get on out of it.

I learned a lot about climbing, like some different moves. What was that move called? You had to put both of your feet to one side, and have them point in one direction. Back-step; I learned how to back-step. And inside-edging, and smearing. Now I can go rock climbing outside, and I’m stronger than I thought.

At first, I really thought I wasn’t strong enough to belay someone else – But once I got to belaying, I realized I’m pretty good at it. I know I’m not going to drop nobody. I don’t know if they know that, but I know that…. My mentor said she trusted me. It felt good to have somebody trust me.

Tell me more about your mentor.
It was fun to have a mentor. We still hang out. I learned a lot about her; she learned a lot about me. I feel like I can talk to her about things and know that I’m not going to get in trouble for it. I’m not going to do nothing bad, but I know that I have somebody I can trust – someone that won’t go back and talk bad behind my back about me. That won’t turn against me or my family, or do something bad. I know that.

What is something you will never forget from CTC?
I won’t forget any of it. But one of my favorite times was when we went on the field trip to climb outdoors…. That day, I seen a big rock that I was scared to get on. But I got on it. That day was good; it was kind of cold outside, but we still climbed outside. We didn’t let nothing stop us… After climbing on the big rock, I was shaky. I was so scared. My legs were shaking while I was climbing. But I felt like I did something that I would be proud of – that I would be proud of, that my mama would be proud of, that my family would be proud of.

What are your plans for the future?
When I get out of middle school, I’m going to finish high school and I’m going to try to go to – Well, I am going to go to college. That’s on my to-do list for when I get older. I’m going to go to college and be a nurse.

I’m going to need help from my mama and my daddy and my teachers to get there. I’m going to do my work – just keep doing what I’m doing now. When it gets hard, I’m going to try to pull through it – keep working hard, studying, and just stay focused.

Photos of Climbing Toward Confidence

Spring Session of CTC to begin

The spring session of Climbing Toward Confidence begins today, February 23. The program has been expanded to include 11 participants and 11 mentors, and will span 10 weeks. Our VOICE will continue to partner with ClimbMax Climbing Center, the WNC Center for Self Defense, Appalachian Mountain Institute and area schools to make this program possible. Additionally, teen peer educators from Teens Taking Action (a program of Planned Parenthood) will help to facilitate the sexual violence awareness curriculum this session.

Fundraiser for Climbing Toward Confidence

Announcement in this week's Mountain Xpress:


Conscious Party: Benefits & fundraisers
Here comes the bride (for a good cause)
by Hal L. Millard in Vol. 15 / Iss. 24 on 01/07/2009

An upcoming event promises to help promote local businesses amid an increasingly down economy while giving a boost to a charity that assists at-risk girls.

Hosted by WNC Magazine and Studio Flora Diva, The Bridal Party will kick off at 7 p.m. on Thursday, Jan. 15, at Shay Brown Events (21 Wall St. in downtown Asheville. The party will raise funds for Climbing Toward Confidence, a program that targets 7th- and 8th-grade girls in an effort to reduce the risk of sexual assault. In the program, mentors utilize rock climbing as a way to build the girls’ self-esteem and to improve their confidence and communication skills.

But the event will also focus on bolstering the local wedding industry (Asheville is among the top wedding destinations in the nation, the organizers report). Brides to be can consult some of the area’s top wedding professionals; enjoy fashion shows from Terra Diva, Spiritex and Mitchell’s Tuxedos; and learn from local wedding planners, florists and event designers.

In addition, ticketholders will be eligible to win a bevy of prizes, including porcelain works from Hofman Studios, beauty consultations from Luminous You and an array of gift certificates from local businesses. Guests will also receive complimentary gift bags and be treated to appetizers, wine, martinis and entertainment.

Tickets ($20 in advance, $40 at the door) can be purchased online at http://www.wncmagazine.com